Of all the things I’m gonna lose, I’ll miss my boobs the most.

At 8 weeks out, I’m excited to eat a massive piece of cheesecake look ridiculously awesome on stage for one day only. There have been a handful of shows in the last few months, and seeing all of the super conditioned athletes is pretty darned motivating. The winners, centre-stage, with their trophies…

Speaking of trophies, I dug these bad boys out of my box of fitness gear as I was looking for my itty-bitty purple sparkly bikini.


I laugh about these trophies.  I usually take them to school and laugh about them with my students. They are hilarious looking.  And I’ve never really known what to do with them. I mean…as you can see, they are pretty much an exact replica of what I look like at a show. And how I pose. We’re even the same colour!

Trophy vs. Kang

Trophy vs. Kang

And that’s about as far as the similarities go.

My head…much larger than my body. Rather reminiscent of those caricature bobble heads that you get as a novelty item and – if you’re 60-years-old – affix to the dash of your car. The trophy? Not so much. Her head is relatively proportional to her body. I may not be rocking the same mullet as she is, but who needs that hair when your head is already ten times too big?

Next, I give you full permission to check out my rack. Oh, wait. There isn’t one. I’m not exactly one of those girls that was gifted (gifted?) with a solid set of melons. There is no motorboating and there is certainly no glass-cutting as the nipples of my plastic statue might suggest. Thankfully I’ve heard anything more than a handful’s a waste.

At the end of the day I like the idea of winning something at my competitions. It gives me a little validation for being hungry ALL THE TIME and exhausting myself to the point where my students actually ask me, “Did you die?” while I lay panting on the floor halfway through my routine. That being said, I really have NO idea what to do with these funny trophies. Taking suggestions!


~ by yomisskang on May 15, 2016.

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